In a funk today that only my car seems to get me out of… and only while I was driving it. Feel exhausted and had a very unproductive day (for me anyway).
Somewhat adrift.
Not feeling that good. Not sleeping well at all.
Neck hurts and major stress pain in my chest once again
Having issues with everyone but mostly myself…
Don’t like much of anything about me at this time and place.
Still going through mom’s stuff/house/figuring what to do with property and there’s a lot to figure out.
Family issues.
Everything issues. Everything.
Just sad, angry and resigned to feeling alone even while around people right now…
Wondering if it’s wholly grief or things brought to the surface by it.
Just can’t fathom it out, surely not today anyway.
Where ever you are mom, I miss you.
It never was perfect but you tried harder than anyone I’ve ever known.
An old song has been running through my head for about two weeks now.
So I dusted off my Styx cd and played it far too many times already but…
My mind always tries to tell me things through music cravings. Odd huh?
Anyway the lyrics do seem to fit my mood somehow:
*******
I used to like to walk the straight and narrow line
I used to think that everything was fine
Sometimes I’d like to sit and gaze for days through sleepless dreams
All alone and trapped in time
All alone and trapped in time
I wonder what tomorrow has in mind for me
Or am I even in it’s mind at all
Perhaps I’ll get a chance to look ahead and see
Soon as I find myself a crystal ball
Soon as I find myself a crystal ball
Tell me, tell me, where I’m going
I don’t know where I’ve been
Tell me, tell me, won’t you tell me
And then tell me again.
My heart is breaking, my bodys aching
And I don’t know where to go
Tell me, tell me, won’t you tell me
I’ve just got to know.
Crystal Ball/Styx
*******
Going to bed, way past exhausted and it ain’t helping my mood at all.
Laura
